Developmentaly Appropriate

I have written in these posts about the younger aspects of childhood and the pressure that our society places on hurrying up to grow up. Today I am going to write a little about our older kids---teen agers. This is a group who really face a lot of conflicting messages from society. On the one hand we want them to mature and be smarter, brighter, more accomplished, and more informed than their counterparts of earlier generations but on the other hand we want them to remain children, keep their innocence and put off adulthood.

One of the growing trends in education for high schoolers is dual enrollment in high school and college. This can be done through attending a couple of college classes during one's Junior or Senior year or enrolling in an alternative high school which is housed on a college campus and consists of college coursework.

Both of my daughters attended college and high school simultaneously at age 16. There were advantages to this as well as disadvantages. In the spirit of this blog, I will point out the disadvantages which center around the issue of "hurry up to grow up".

Combining high school and college deprived my daughters of the full experience of traditional high school activities such as membership in clubs ,activities, and events. Although their Academy offered many social experiences including a Jr./Sr. Prom, it was decidedly different than the traditional affairs. Another area of concern in rushing to finish their education was that time to decide what they really wanted to do in life was shortened, in that they were alreay Juniors in college when friends their age were Freshmen. So the pressure to declare a major put many of these accelerated students at a disadvantage because they really weren't ready to make that choice. Of course, some students seem to have problems with this regardless of their age or experience!

Overall though my daughers are happy to have had their unique experience of simultaneously attending high school and college and would not choose to do it differently. This was a decision they made individually and there were many positive benefits from the experience. I do feel it was appropriate for them developmentaly but still think they were somewhat rushed into the thinking of the day that sooner is better than later and hurrying up is a sound educational practice.

Donna

Tis the Season

As the holidays approach I am reminded of the moments that have become lifelong memories. For myself I remember making cookies with my mother and going to the woods to cut our own Christmas tree with my dad. For my husband the holidays bring about visions of seafood with plenty of raw oysters for all and the anuual reading of The Christmas Story from the Bible. Together we have blended our childhood holiday traditions and added a few of our own to make a unique set of family traditions that we have passed along to our children.
The observance of traditions and the continuation of those traditions is an integral part of growing up and gives roots to values and purpose.
So when we find ourselves getting caught up in the holdiay season in the rush to get the latest gadget or to find the perfect gift, we need to stop and remember it is the gift of time and the sharing 0f ourselves with each other that will be remembered, cherished, and repeated in our own children's lives and in generations to come.
Donna

Miseducation

David Elkind's book "Miseducation" identifies several types of parents. He talks about how parents try to live out their own dreams through their children. For instance, there is the parent who is consumed with their child being a star athlete, or a beauty queen, or the class president, or a master outdoorsman. Whatever the pursit---it is typical for parents to try to influence their children's dreams. His ideal parent was the "milk and cookies" parent who presented a broad range of opportunities and let their child discover what fit them, rather than trying to make them fit their "dreams and aspirations".

When I read this book, I liked to think of myself as the "milk and cookie" parent but in retrospect I realize how difficult it really is to step back and let your child take charge of their destiny. In our house, we valued education and as such expected our children to do well in school. Fortunately for us and them they had this ability so it was not an issue, but I have to wonder if they had not possessed this trait how we would have reacted. Of course, I want to think I would have been positive, encouraging, and accepting but I now realize that is easier said than done.

It is every parent's challenge to understand that although they have the responsibility to mold and shape their children they cannot live their lives for them or through them. Parents must be prepared to guide, aide, and let their children chase their own dreams on their own path.

As a society we are expecting more from our children at younger ages than what was expected of us a generation ago. I have to ponder on this rush to achieve and wonder are we expecting to produce brighter more accomplished children with all of this effort? I mean really--it may be impressive if your 4 year old can read but what is the ultimate profit in learning this at 4 when they could easily have learned it at 5? What skill, talent, or interest got shortshirted by the effort that went into developing this skill at 4 years of age? Was that which was displaced of cruicial value? Such as a social skill or a skill that would lead to an industrious or independent nature.
Psychologists have long studied the developmental order in which learning and growth progresses from infancy through adulthood. There is a classic "window of opportunity" for learning to occur at a developmental stage---this window represents the optimal period for acquiring a paticular skill. Developmental stages have age ranges but are not age specific. It is important as a parent to recognize which developmental stage that their child is in, and to know that transitions between stages are gradual with some back and forth, not absolute. This is especially important when determining if your child is ready for Kindergarten---just because he/she has turned five does not mean that they should start K. that year. Sometimes, the gift of time is the most valuable gift we can give a child. I firmly believe that we are not creating smarter children by requiring them to master skills at younger and younger ages. Some who are developmentaly ahead of the curve will rise to the task but even then I have to wonder what did they miss in their push to beat the clock?
Donna

Hurrying Up to Grow Up

David Elkind wrote a series of books about children who are being ushered into the grownup world far too quickly for their development abilities to cope. His books point out that parents today are providing experiences for their children that they themselves enjoyed at an older developmental stage in life. For instance--- girls wearing heels (once a growing up milestone enjoyed by teenagers is now marketed toward tweenies) 1st dates (once reserved for high school students, now starting as early as junior high) prom (once a uniquely high school experience, now also a junior high experience). I recall attending a homecoming game as an adult and seeing a Kindergartener with not one but two homecoming mums with ribbons trailing the ground. I was told one was from parents and one from grandparents. The point is if you are already doing this for your Kindergartener then what will be left for the teenage years?
And it is not just a society issue involving parents who seem to be in a race to grow their children up too quickly it is also occuring in education. If you doubt this, then just take a look at today's Kindergarten class who is expected to be reading by midterm. What are we in such a hurry for anyway? We rob kids of the chance to be successful by requiring that they accomplish things they are not developmentaly prepared for yet and take away the gift of time creating problems where there may not have existed but for hurried adults.
Donna

The Changing Face of Childhood

Where have the lazy days of summer gone? The days when neighborhood kids met to play outside---riding bikes, going to the fishing hole, playing baseball, meeting at the drugstore on the corner? Even with the lure of television in the 60's the kids of previous generations still mangaged to connect socially through afterschool adventures which involved direct socialization and physical activitiy.
Today with the advent of instant messaging, text messaging and on-line gaming, kids are becoming increasingly isolated and physically inactive. A drive through a neighborhood on a Saturday or after shcool hours would not find groups of kids out on lawns and on the sidewalks. More and more of today's kids have scheduled activities which are formally supervised. When they are not engaged in scheduled activities then they are ensconsed in their houses or rooms communicating via the latest technology. Although kids today do benefit from all the new technology that is available and as a result are more globally aware and connected than kids of previous generations, they are also disenfranchised in the art of peer socialization. Their preoccupation with activities that take place in isolation has taken away their opportunity to learn to problem solve among themselves and develop negotiation and leadership skills (such as occurs in an informal neighborhood softball game,etc...).

As parents it is important to assure that our kids are having the opportunity to have balanced lives. That they have "down time", "social free time", "physical activity time" and "structured time". Kids will gravitiate toward their own interests but need to have guidance and support from parents. At one time parents were advised against using the TV as a babysitter, today that same advice can be said for the computer. Parents must be aware of their childrens activities and must be supportive in producing well balanced choices.